About Nothing


This is a post about nothing. It started off as a post about running. I ran five miles yesterday around the lake where we’re vacationing in Michigan. I wrote about my thoughts per mile (TPM):

Mile One: Look at me out running! I’m so proud of myself. I feel good. I look good. My new running shorts aren’t binding or rubbing me raw. Even my bra is comfortable. I’m a rockstar. Hi all you Michigan people! I could run all day.

Mile Two: When do those f-ing endorphins kick in? Who put all these hills in here? What happened to the flat plains of the Midwest? Whose stupid idea was this anyway?

Mile Two Point Five: Hello, endorphins! Welcome! I feel strong and powerful! I will run around this lake every day of our vacation. And walk every night. I can already feel my ass jiggling less.

Mile Three: That’s it? That’s all the endorphins I get? Please kill me now.

Mile Three Point Seven: If I make it around this god-forsaken lake without getting hit by a car a la Stephen King, I will never again complain about my jiggly bits.

Fascinating, no? Other than two angry pit bulls chasing me for a half mile resulting in my fastest pace since high school (mile four) and finding the perfect place to hide a dead body should I ever need one (mile five), nothing much happened.

Instead of sticking this post in my draft file folder with the thirty-seven other pieces I don’t think are good enough to post, I’m giving nothing a try.

Where do I go from here? Nowhere. See how this works? I think I’m pretty good at this!

I could write about our vacation so far, but all I’ve done is run once and prepared endless amounts of food for apparently starving children. How often do kids need to eat these days? Since when can no one open her own cheese stick or yogurt container? Must be all this clean Michigan air.

371 words so far about nothing. That wasn’t so hard. Jerry Seinfeld ain’t got nothing on me.

I’ll shoot for 500 words. How hard can it be? I just need another anecdote. Where’s a good boating accident or random alligator attack when you need one?

Even the ducks that my kids can’t stop feeding are quiet. In exchange for our meal plan, the least they can do is provide some blog fodder. House rule.


I’m going for another run. I hope the pit bulls are out. Or maybe a rabid goose. If not, I’ll start making up shit. I bet I’ll be good at that.

32 thoughts on “About Nothing

  1. This may be my favorite post of yours ever. EVER. EV_ER! I love the sass and the humor and lightness. I am glad the pitbulls didn’t eat you up. Seriously, Mary,t his is the best post.

  2. LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE your nothing post!!!!! Cause every time you write ANYTHING… it’s truly SOMETHING!!! Hoping you get bit by a snake, or save a drowning victim, or trip and skin your knee something fierce and a cute guy comes in to save the day… or you just keep feeding your kids and staying in your nothingness as long as something inspires you!!

  3. God, those stupid endorphines. Don’t they know we need them for more than, like, 25 steps? Anyway, I love everything about this post, and wish you lots of insane and dangerous (but not too dangerous) experiences to use as blog fodder.

  4. I’m glad you are having such a nice time on your vacation. It’s clearly been relaxing and refreshing. What the heck are you doing there? I hope some of it is fun.
    I liked the running part. It made me laugh. Why does every post have to be 500 words? Or be deep? Go with what you got. And what you had was pretty darn good.

  5. well, i totally enjoyed your post about nothing, but even before you hit nothing, i was totally into your play by play on your run. i’m into entertaining random chatter of the mind. so you enjoy your run and then come back and tell us all the nothing that happened. 😉

  6. That was a great post about nothing! I will concur, clean Michigan air definitely makes kids eat too much, at least in the case of my kids. Or maybe its ’cause they’re teenagers and eat like vacuum cleaners. There are plenty of flat parts of Michigan, but you need to get into the farm areas. Any farms nearby? Just look for a combine or some piece of strange farm equipment that looks like something from the Mad Max movies. Follow it!

    • You would think with all the corn fields around here I’d be able to find a combine or a Mad Max prop, but so far, nada! I’ll keep looking! Beautiful state you have here!

  7. I think we should all share draft folders sometime and see if it’s as bad as it seems. I have so much in there. Like polished posts even.

    I liked this post. I need to try it. I make dinner out of nothing all the time, why not posts, right?

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