After last weekend’s Super Bowl, while everyone else is talking about the implications of Beyonce’s pole dancing performance, I’m left wondering if the San Francisco 49ers knew they weren’t only competing for money, fame and a gaudy, bedazzled ring, but for their very lives.
Research shows that Nobel Prize winners live an average of two years longer than their equally brilliant fellow nominees. Similarly, Academy Award winners live nearly four years longer than other actors. (Hmmm, perhaps the added longevity has something to do with walking across a stage?)
I’ll take two!
Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
Winners outlive losers. Had the 49ers known this fact, would they have played differently? Granted, available research says nothing about Super Bowl winners. And with the advanced dementia so many football players will have to live with as they age, perhaps they don’t want extra years. But I do!
I’m getting old. Four extra years could make all the difference in my life. I want to be alive (and moderately alert) to meet my grandkids without my daughters having to get knocked up in high school.
So far I’ve been a winner in life. I have a loving, hard-headed husband, two amazing, healthy children, a nearly fully-functioning mind, and the financial means to afford therapy for those parts of my brain predisposed to short circuiting. These wins should buy me a couple of years at least. But what if that’s not enough?
Just when I was beginning to believe that winning isn’t everything, that it’s worth it to show up, play my heart out and contribute, win or not, I find out nope, winning not only feels better, it adds years to your life.
I’m in search of some extra years, stat! If winning will bring ‘em, get out of my way.
Does it matter if my opponents are formidable or would any wins work? I’m not above getting a win off of a child or a friend. If major award winners live up to four extra years, how long would I get if I beat my kids at Twister? What about Chess? Would my extra time if I won a Yeah Write competition be measured in days? Weeks? Oh, the glory of life!
Yes, winning these contests would mean I’d be stealing years away from my less fortunate family and friends. But those losers have more time to spare. Mine is a life or death mission. Now that I know winning imparts the benefit of extra life, move over people. You’re on notice.
What’s going to give me the most life for my effort?
The chances of me winning a Nobel Prize or Academy Award are slim at this point. (Though I am open to embracing either of those distinctions. And I’ve already found the perfect dress.) In lieu of a Pulitzer Prize jackpot, I’ll have to piece together additional life by winning smaller competitions. Here’s my plan:
- Secure Publishing Contract = 6 months per book
- Conduct Media Tours for my books: National Media Outlets = 1 month per; Local Media Outlets = 1 week per
- Publish Magazine/Online Articles = 1 week per
- Win “Freshly Pressed” Distinction = 1.5 days per
- Win at anything against my husband = 10 hours per
- Win at board games and hide ‘n seek against children = 2 hours per
Am I not thinking grand enough? National Book Award? Oprah Book Club 2.0? New York Times Bestseller List? I’m feeling younger already!
Seeing that my life depends on it, perhaps I should start writing my award-winning novel … In the meantime, anyone up for a friendly game of tag?
A Teachable Mom 
So well researched. I love this post!!!!
Yes, research is hot these days!
If it means anything, I’d always suspected this to be true. I was pretty sure that Hugh Heffner seemed pretty happy. Meanwhile I wish you could explain the whole Yeah Write thing. I would love to take part, but I don’t get it. It seems overwhelming. I feel like I need a tutorial. Or something. These prompts these to be really great. And look at you? Wining. I’m getting discouraged. Felling like I’m giving it away ever week. *Sigh* Think you can shoot me an email sometime? So we can chat about this stuff? And winning?I rarely get discouraged, but I feel like I’m on the train to Bummersville.
I’m happy to explain Yeah Write – it can be confusing but you’d do great! I am off to email you now …
Ha! I knew it! Winning is everything!!! yet, you raise interesting questions, does it matter who you win against? hmm. i think more research needs to be done. until then, much as it hurts me, i’ll continue kicking everyone’s ass. Thanks for the motivation to step it up a notch. 😉
I’ll keep an eye for more research. In the meantime, I’m stealing some of your kick-assness for my own self!
please! you kick ass quite nicely.
😉
The stats need in me wonders if winning adds years or if bitter disappointment sucks years away. Like the almost-winners waste so much energy kicking themselves that they second guess themselves into an early grave.
You are a wise woman! I believe you’ve just described me perfectly. So … no more self kicks for me!
Just do what I do and avoid competition. Whether I miss out on some years by not winning or avoid an early death by not losing… I’ll consider it all a wash. 😉 Oh except that stupid Circle of Moms thing. I feel like such an attention whore now. *sigh*
(clever post, as usual…)
I’ll vote for you at Circle of Moms! I’m tired of feeling shame for wanting attention! I want some whether it adds years or not! 😉
Next time you feel like you need a win, call me up for that game of tag. I am as slooow as molasses. 🙂
Deal! Consider yourself “it!”
Hilarious! Who knew? Love your humor and the angle you took writing this post. Clever indeed. I like your list and vote for many more additions with even bigger jumps in longevity! You’re worth it and so are your accomplishments – big or small. Love you. Keep writing. Xoxo
Love you, too! And I hope to celebrate any/all victories instead of only focusing on the next win!
Im not playing any games w/you – hypercompetitive nut. I can just imagine you attending one of your child’s games or even coaching the team. Win or die young girls – no pressure.
Congrats on the Yeah Write win.
Good luck in wining more & living longer.
LOL! No pressure indeed! But this is embarrassing – I didn’t win Yeah Write recently, but you’re the second person that thought I did. So, I better go edit that part so it’s clear. Or tell Yeah Write to hurry up and pick me!
Demand they pick you. It’s good for your health.
Amen!
Perhaps the genetics of people who are predisposed to live longer also gives them an advantage in being successful, i.e. winners. That kind of ruins the theory and takes all the fun out of it though. Interesting post. I hope you keep winning and especially nail that book contract!
Your lips, God’s ears on the book contract! Started writing last night!
Let’s hear it for media tours! I can’t wait for you to sign a copy of your book for me!
Me, too! We’ll do our book tours together!
Haha! I remember when I read that article. It pissed me off to no end – it’s like when you’re asked to list your previous awards on an application for a new award. What does that have to do with whether or not you deserve the new award? The rich just keep getting richer…
This post kind of made me laugh too, because I just wrote a post about how I am definitely NOT winning. I should have added that all this failure was also shortening my life.
Exactly – can’t wait to read your post on not winning. We can commiserate together, then say f**k it and kick some ass!
HA! If you are gonna go for the “wins”… go for the ones that cost you LESS time…or the irony would be amazing… 😉
Ooooh, you’re good! I hadn’t thought of it that way, but not that you’ve so kindly spelled it out, I have an idea for my next post! xo
Such an interesting fact about the winners!
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This is SO INTERESTING!! I wonder how competitive people, who don’t necessarily win all the time fare…probably much like the 49ers I would imagine! 😉 Great post! Stopping by from SITS Saturday Sharefest.
Let’s hope competitive people who don’t win all the time live the longest!! 😉
I wish the 49ers had played to win! But showing up only in the second half wasn’t enough ;(
I’d think winning yeah write would add at least a decade no? Love this post, although now I’m worried – sometimes I just like to play the game.
One of the many things I love about you – your willingness to play the game!
{Melinda} hmmmm… interesting. Kind of makes sense. Winners have an inner fortitude that propels them to victory. Now, don’t even get me started on Beyonce … 🙂
Visiting from Saturday Sharefest!
I hear you on the Beyonce performance! Let’s hear it for inner fortitude!
Interesting! I believe it! Ever since my jock-husband beat me at tennis when we were dating, everything I do is a competition with him. 😉 Right now I have bragging rights for winning the most Monopoly games in our 17 years of marriage! Ha! Found you on SITS! Good luck with your writing goals!
Thank you! I love Monopoly and would like to have your bragging rights!